


Ask Abaddon

by laisserais



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Advice Column, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laisserais/pseuds/laisserais
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking for advice about your career or love life? Have a burning question no one else can answer? Why not ask Abaddon! Let a Knight of Hell give you a fresh perspective</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask Abaddon

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to tebtosca for the beta. Also: Abaddon is fabulous. That is all.

* * *

Looking for advice about your career or love life? Have a burning question no one else can answer? Why not ask Abaddon! Let a Knight of Hell give you a fresh perspective.

_Dear Abaddon,_

_I really like my job--the coworkers are great and the benefits are good--but my boss just won't stop riding my ass. If I'm five minutes late, he calls me into his office. He makes me work through lunch and never says thank you; plus, he's always taking credit for my work. I'm just not sure what I should do._

_Signed,  
Unsure_

Dear Unsure,

It sounds to me like it's time for a regime change. A pewling bag of puss like that isn't worth the time it would take to wipe him off your shoes. Why not rip his still-beating heart out of his chest and show it to him as he chokes on his own blood? That'll show him who's boss. You never know, showing that kind of initiative might just get you noticed by the higher-ups. And with him gone, they'll need someone to take his place; there might be a promotion in it for you.

_Dear Abaddon,_

_How can I tell if my boyfriend's cheating on me? He says he cares, but then he'll forget about the plans we made. When I call him sometimes, it goes straight to voicemail. Last week I think I saw lipstick on his collar. What should I do? I'm so in love with him, but it would break my heart to find out he's cheating. My friends all think I'm crazy and that I should relax. When we're together he really does treat me well. Am I imagining things?_

_Signed,  
Conflicted_

Dear Conflicted,

As a Knight of Hell, chosen first by Lucifer, I'd just shove some of my essence down his throat and see what he'd been up to. But since you're a fragile human, you're going to have to do it the old-fashioned way: follow him. Be sure to bring the biggest knife you own. If he talks to another woman, then you know he's cheating. Confront the lying weasel and his little slut. When they try to make excuses, slash their throats. Do hers first, so that he gets to watch. The taste of fear always makes the blood sweeter.

_Dear Abaddon,_

_My Dad thinks I run with a bad crowd. He hates all of my friends and says that they'll never amount to much. He thinks I should stop hanging out with them and, I don't know, join the chess club or something. How can I make him see that my friends are important to me?_

_Signed,  
Loyal to the End_

Dear Loyal,

Back in the day, I had a similar problem. Fathers always think they know what's best, right? Show him how wrong he is by running away. Believe me, he'll regret it when he realizes you're missing. He'll want to apologize and beg you to come back, but don't fall for it: he's just manipulating you to get you back under his thumb. Stay with your friends. After all, they _chose_ you; he just made you. You're just an instrument to him, but to your friends, you're an equal. 

When you run away, you're free to do what you want, when you want to do it. Be sure to take as many valuables with you as you can carry. Max out his credit cards and take all his cash. You'll need it to get set up in your new crashpad. Don't expect much at first--it might just be a dark, dank hole, but with your friends at your side, you'll soon be calling it home.

* * *

Have a question for the Knight of Hell? Send it in to: Ask Abaddon c/o Syndicated Weekly 666 Morningside Drive, Stull, KS 67039


End file.
